This Drifting Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series started, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the final series. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the least of this show's problems. The recipient of a very rare zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to start listing the flaws. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and consumption? The seemingly deliberate procession of tropes? Performances so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, abuse claims and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charming but dismissive narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

The Gangster Drama

Shady figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just really boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which seemed a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the experience was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely breezy, somewhat mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual escapades as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.